My Last Psychiatrist Appointment

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by Dennis Dodson,
Mental Health Advocate

I got to his office 15 minutes early. I know I was fifteen minutes early because my appointment was for 10:00am and the Abilify clock hanging behind the receptionist said 9:45. I signed the sign-in sheet on the Seroquel clipboard with the Geodon pen.

I took a seat beside a rack of Lamictal brochures. The lady on the front of the brochure really looked happy. The print was really, really small but I was able to read the brochure. I had been reading the warnings for 10 minutes  according to the Abilify clock when doctor Snutz called me back.

According to his Wellbutrin clock, it was 2 minutes till 10:00. He picked up his Zyprexa pen and ask me how I was doing. I said, “Fine”.

He asked me if I had been sleeping. I told him I slept good last night.

He ask me if I wanted to hurt myself. I said, “No”.

He ask me if I was still taking my Seroquel, Wellbutrin and Abilify. I said, “Yes”.

I told him I thought maybe I would like to try some Lamictal. That I had seen a brochure in the waiting room and the lady on the front sure looked happy. He said I was in luck because a lady that looked happy had given him some samples of Lamictal just yesterday.

He took his Zyprexa pen and wrote my 4 prescriptions, then opened a cabinet and sure enough, right beside a stack of boxes of golf balls were boxes of Lamictal. I said, “You’ve got a lot of balls.” He said, “Yeah, my Lilly rep is really great.”

He said the Lamictal was a starter pack and to watch out for a rash. I didn’t say anything, but I must not have got to the part in the brochure about the rash.

He asked me if I still used the same pharmacy. I said, “Yes.”

He said he would see me again in three months.

I glanced at his Wellbutrin clock. It read 10:10.

Tagged antipsychotics, funny pharmacy, funny psychiatry, humor, psychiatric drugging, psychiatric humor, psychiatry, psychiatry drugs, psychiatry pills, short psychiatry visits